MY FIRST LOVE.

this is for you.

ive spent 5 years trying to realize what it is about you that keeps me running back.
youve lied youve cheated youve broken not only us but my heart and what was our future.
yet every time i think about you ismile because i love you SO MUCH it hurts yet ihate you so much it soothes the pain.

ive forced myself to believe what you tell me because you hurt me so bad every little thing you say i think is a lie.
YET i still call you to talk to you and tell you how much i love you.
ive been COMPLETELY torn apart by every guy thats ive ever been with after you and it was so easy to just drop them. but you... i cant seem to break you. youre my drug. and everytime i THINK im done with you i always run back.
theres NOTHING that i wouldnt do for you by anymeans but theres nothing i would because i feel you dont deserve me. YET i continue to throw myself at your feet begging for mercy because i love you so much I DONT WANT YOU TO LEAVE.

you see this relationship isnt all hate because i could never hate you or anyone else in that matter but for you its so much more its a combination. i hate what youve done to me and all the lies youve been caught up with, but i love the fact that you still love me and that i stil love you and we cant let eachother go. its all confusion. love then hate hate then love. and as much as i remind you of how bad youve hurt me i STILL run to you because i know that love never dies.

i love you mann I DO. and its ridiculous the things weve been through. but we're strong for EACHOTHER.

break

IM TAKING ONE., blogspot sucks

IIGHT

this aint no advice but im finna lay it on the line.

IF I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY IT ill say that. if i got ana ILL RELEASE IT. if i wanna smoke me some weed I WILL. if i wanna chill wit a group of MY NIGGAS and lay back and have a good time I WILL. and if i wanna sit on my ass all day ILL DO DAT DO. because im grown. I PAID FA MY SHIT. i wake up with me everyday. and i keep it a hunnet baby. ALWAYS HAVE ALWAYS WILL and if u dnt like it FALL BACK. it aint like i have anyfriends IM MY BEST FRIEND and its gone stay dat way. dnt hop on my shit trynna tell ME about me. and tell ME that i aint lady like. SO NIGGA HELLL im a bitch and im classy. always been calld a freak NEVER BEEN CALLD A HOE. i do what i please.

STOP WORRYIN ABOUT ME! ease up off the obsession.

$$$|♥|.052491.-.102108.

Dear Nickie,

It has officially been 3 months since you've been gone. it took ALOT to get over this, and its caused ALOT of problems between me and my boyfriend (jealousy.lol)-and i just think he'll NEVER understand our relationship (just like no one else would)-IVE FINALLY GOTTEN TO THE phase where im no longer thinking about you being gone but im thinking about how many laughs we had when you were here along with all the times you helped me through each and everyone of my problems with out ifs ands or buts even if it was about another man. im glad i got the chance to have a person in my life who i never had to worry about trusting even if it was only for a few years. my heart & soul misses having you around. and i will never let go of the space in my heart that has been just for you since day one.You were NOTHING but good to me.I STILL dont know why i talk to you like you're still here thinking that if i pinch myself hard enough i could wake up from this nightmare, and why i still cry on deaf ears hoping that one day you'll come back with a smile on your face like "I WAS JUST PLAYIN NIGGA. its okay" but its not gonna happen. i just miss YOU. and as hard as it is for me to get through the shit im going through with out you around to help me and support me, you STILL made these lessons worth while and made it easier for me to get through them if you werent around.I MISS YOU BEST FRIEND more and more everyday.

ENDLESS BEGINNING

January 14, 2008 - Monday

what shud i do when theres nothing to do? should i sit and wait, or should i wait then sit? when i die do i smile or cry or when i cry should i end my life? I dont like bein talked about but i think bad about people...before or after spilling my heart should i turn off the dark when my mind hurts a heart...should i finish this now or wait till this ends or atleast until i forget when it began...

-by Mark Mazo

DEEEPPP.

Words fa yah.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson

HATER by Maya Angelou

“The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory,
but they don’t know my story…
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence,
you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!”